I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize