Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
