You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
