Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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