marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
