Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
