Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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