the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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