My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
