im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize