He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize