God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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