Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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