Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
