She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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