'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
