at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
