I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
