I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
