We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
