So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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