I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
