Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
