So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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