Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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