You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Porn is love you can see.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
