I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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