i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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