the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
