Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
