when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
