There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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