the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He? As in you personified your dick?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
