hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
vagina is talking i cant
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
