i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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