I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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