I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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