Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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