I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I lost the right to judge tonight
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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