Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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