There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
