I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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