It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
