if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
