oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
