I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
