She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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