Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
last night I used snow as a chaser
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
