Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
