Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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