Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize