rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
