It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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