you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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