yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
