Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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