Will you blow on my dice?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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