Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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