i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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