dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
