Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
