Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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