i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
